I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
