Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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