I'm lost and stupid without you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize