I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
