i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
