You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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