Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
