I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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