Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
