we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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