I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
