I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize