I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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