Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
