im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
