So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
