The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
