with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
