yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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