Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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