I can feel you judging me through the phone.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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