its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
