on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
