your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
