I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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