Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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