she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
