i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
