Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
