Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
