i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
