tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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