Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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