I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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