how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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