a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
