can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
