Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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