My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Come on in and take your pants off
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