my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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