Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
