then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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