when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize