how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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