I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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