I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
