My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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