its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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