so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
