Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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