That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
