i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
