You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
