Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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