I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
