So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize