You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just high enough for therapy.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
