Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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