I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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