I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
