I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
