google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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