Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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