the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
