she woke up with a sticky ear
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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