She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
