3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
