Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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