the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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