so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
