I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
