i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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