How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
