just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I want a musical about memes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
