At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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