Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
