we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
